Oh TEE VEE news.
It’s a wonder the National Working Press gets anything right at all.
The 24-hour news cycle. The rushed deadlines. The talking heads. They try so so hard to gain the respect and—most of all—the attention of 18- to 30-year-olds.
They are falling all over themselves to get our attention that it has turned into one great big clusterfuck.
And, yet, they fail. So hard. So bad. And while I feel it is like kicking a puppy in the face, TEE VEE news shows its ignorance and brings it on themselves. It all started when Barack Obama-rama sealed up the Democratic presidential nomination. At the rally after the South Dakota primary, in front of a cheering crowd of supporters, he and Michelle “Mrs.” Obama-rama gazed into each others eyes and gave each other *daps*.
*daps*, also known as “the fist bump,” also known as “the knuckle knock,” also known as “closed-fist high-fives,” also known as “the terrorist fist jab.”
Wait—WHAT?!
According to Fox News, that is how “some people are interpreting it.”
E.D. Hill, who ironically hosts a daytime talk show on Fox News called “America’s Pulse,” called *daps* a terrorist fist jab. E.D. Hill later apologized for mischaracterizing the *daps* as a terrorist fist jab.
HAHAHA! Oh silly woman! Why are the pretty ones also dumb? She might be a pretty good lay if you can get past the blonde highlights and twisted ideas. I mean have you seen those legs? BOO YAH!
Oh E.D. Hill, don’t you know you are the reason the terrorists hate us? Your bare legs and bad make-up? They don’t give two shits about Obama-rama and his wife knocking knuckles.
They look at American TEE VEE news, see anchors like you, and automatically get worked up and want to blow shit up.
Since this incident, everyone on the TEE VEE news has been going apeshit over it, predictably. Anything the National Working Press doesn’t understand, they automatically assume the rest of the country doesn’t understand.
Again, the grand irony here is that Pat Buchanan—a man with the utmost contempt for the Liberal Media (while being a part of it); the swine-ish former speechwriter for Richard “Tricky Dick” Nixon; the man who actually won the old Jewish woman vote and, thus, the state of Florida in the 2000 election—*gasp* KNOWS WHAT *daps* IS!
Pat Buchanan even blew it up! He blew that shit up! Just like a plane going into the World Trade Center! (too soon?—maybe so …)
Not to be outdone, the Governor of The Good Old North State, Mike Easley, introduced Obama-rama at a major policy speech the other day. Even he gave Obama-rama *daps*!
Now, when a simple, pasty-faced white man from Rocky Mount, N.C., no doubt, knows what *daps* is, you would think that the TEE VEE news—in its infinite wisdom (HA!)—would know what the deal is.
Even our simpleton of a President, who fooled the press and the rest of the country into starting an unnecessary war in Iraq, knows what *daps* is.
The hysteria around the *daps* thing is stupidity, plain and simple, and just shows how out of touch and how big of a bubble within which the National Working Press lives and works.
The blind spots the Bloggerati and the Punditry have are embarassing to the nation and to Intelligent Americans in general. It comes down to this: *daps* is a greeting, you stupid bastards! That’s it! That’s all it is!
And if you still don’t know, read this!
- Ben McNeely is the editor of The Desk.
